Blogmas 2021 | 12 Days of Christmas | Day 9
I’m only here today to tell you to not expect yourself from other people. The “above and beyond” discussion may just apply to you as you do for others. There’s no obligatory reciprocity in this life. If people also go above and beyond for you then that’s great! Try not sweat it if they don’t.
Fun fact: No one owes you anything in life. Not your family, not your friends, not your colleagues, not strangers. If nothing else, you owe it to yourself to show up for yourself. That’s it.
At the beginning and the end of the day, people will do what they so choose to do if it pleases them or whomever they want to please.
So, for the love of all things good and great for your peace of mind, expect nothing in return in any situation.
Though it would be nice for your people (family, friends, colleagues etc) to support you along any journey or to reach out first and more often or even to mention your name in rooms of opportunity, they don’t owe it to you to do any of that.
For some of us, it’s a huge pill to swallow but, you have to be okay with people doing for them what they think is best in that moment. It’s difficult to accept but you have to.
As humans, we are innately selfish. Some of us are more selfish than others and some of us are more selfless than others.
Look within as well. You may think you’re the one going above and beyond when in truth you’re only doing the bare minimum.
If you feel wronged by the folks you expected more from – consider as well that they may be going through hell while trying to be present. If they don’t show up for you, it probably has nothing to do with what you think.
On that note, I recall having to cut someone I thought was my friend because I was accused of being selfish and uncaring when they were going through a rough time. However, about a week after their rough time started, I suffered a major loss in my life. I thought it would be selfish to interrupt their grieving with my own problems so my initial level of being present fell drastically. When I felt comfortable enough to share my woes, I was hit with “horrible friend” “selfish person” lecture.
I decided against sharing details of my trauma and why I wasn’t as present. Expressed the love that I could in the moment and then cut them out of my life.
I didn’t even consider them to be villainous, I let them be angry and express hurt. But, as much as I let that happen, I got the figurative scissors and cut them out.
It’s been about 2 years…maybe. I don’t regret that decision. And, as much as I didn’t owe it to them to explain myself or be as present as they needed me to be, they also didn’t owe it to me to listen and understand where I was coming from.
Also, the negativity I received on that day was enough for me to say I don’t want this in my life. After all, I needed to heal from my trauma as well. Negative energies and attempting to heal don’t mix. The point here, I guess, is self preservation is key.
Wherever they are, I hope they’re fine.
Oh yeah, it may sting if and when I get cut from people’s lives but again, people do what they think is good for them. So, if I’m not good for someone’s space, I will acknowledge the scissors and fall off with that snip snip.
If minds, attitudes and perspectives change toward a positive for the relationship, I guess there’s tape, glue or a whole new page that the the restart can take place on. But, keep the scissors close. I call mine the self preservation snippers. 😄.
Anyway, I have no idea if you learned anything from this. If you do, tell me what you learned. Also, what are your thoughts on this whole topic of no one owing you anything?
*These thoughts and experiences are my own and they’re not necessarily supported by any real empirical evidence. Great, glad to have gotten that out the way.
Signed with love,
The Suburban Girl JA