Advice to my teenage self

Bloganuary Day 1

Hey there,

Yes, you who didn’t feel beautiful or confident. You who didn’t have many friends or acquaintances. You who thought that all your childhood friends would be with you forever. You who learned from early that not everyone could be trusted. Yes, I’m talking to you.

As a teenager you counted on the opinions of others to validate your beauty and your confidence. However, as you get older, you’ll see the true meaning of beauty and you’ll understand more than ever, with each new experience, that beauty is in the eyes of those who perceive it. You’ll grow into yourself and you’ll love the very essence of who you are as a teen and who you’ll grow to be as an adult.

You’ll love – even more – your Blackness and you’ll embrace the beauty of other Black people. You’ll appreciate even more that folks of different complexions and different races are also beautiful in their own way. You’ll grow to love and accept people from different backgrounds – religions, creeds, orientations.

Those kids and adults who make fun of you for your dark chocolate complexion and your acne don’t understand what it’s like to be you. They tease you, perhaps, because they see beauty and power in you and they’re scared that once you unlock them, their existence may be threatened.

Speaking of those who tease and pick at you: people like them show up at every stage of your life. Yep, even as an adult, you’ll come face to face with them. But guess what, you’ll be secure enough to know how to navigate them and their messy ways. Truth be told, somewhere along their journey, they were hurt and they project their hurt onto you. Love them, give them grace…but don’t allow them close to your heart.

Oh my goodness! Guard your heart. People are cruel and they will try to trick you into believing they’re everything you need. This will manifest in all types of relationships, too; familial, friendships and even potential lovers. Guard your heart and don’t trust too easily or freely.

Your confidence will grow. You just need time and patience. You’re a child! Who said every child has to be as confident as the next? They’re wrong. Additionally, the fact that you’re quiet and shy does not mean that you don’t have self-awareness. You’re gentle when you need to be and you’re aggressive when it’s warranted. That means you’re balanced. Let no one force you to believe otherwise.

You always could read a room and read the energies of others. That gift has led people to think that you’re standoffish. However, you knew from an early age where you wanted to share your energy and whose energy you wanted to be around. This gift will help you and protect you as you grow older. Hone it.

You didn’t hear the words “I love you” often, and I know there were times when you felt/feel like the love wasn’t/isn’t there. Trust me, you were loved, are loved and will be loved It’s just that people have different and seemingly weird ways to demonstrate their love and affection. As you get older, you’ll learn about love languages and emotional intelligence. People just love differently, that’s all. Again, it doesnt mean that you aren’t loved. Additionally, don’t allow the lack of hearing “I love you” deter you from loving people.

As for friends and acquaintances: Your parents always said that you’ll lose friends, leave some behind and make new ones. It’s all part of a cycle. Keep in mind that everything and everyone has their season on this earth. As such, they have their seasons marked out with you just as how your seasons with others are marked. You’ll lose friends you’ve had for years and make friends instantaneously with people you’ve just met. Seek comfort in knowing that nothing lasts forever, not even some friendships or other forms of relationships.

When you get older, though you’ll maintain your relatively balanced ways of being quiet and aggressive, you’re gonna have enough friends. You’ll come to know a whole lot of people and you won’t worry about who’s your friend.

Stop stressing over the troubles and struggles of high school. Its not the end of the world. Trust me. In a few days, weeks, months, and years, you’ll be on the floor laughing about the struggles of high school.


You will come to know heartbreak. I’m not talking about your crush not reciprocating the feelings. I’m talking about the heartbreak of seeing loved ones die. You’ll have to live with it too. But, counselling and therapy are the truth! It will be hard, but you’ll find a way to deal and continue to live with them in your heart.

You’ll come to understand various levels of physical pain and emotional pain. Giiirl, when your period hits, it’s coming for you like a tonne of bricks. Thank God for Midol, Ibuprofen, Panadol, hot water bottles and the ability to bend your body in ways that look uncomfortable but that one twisted position is where you feel the most relief.

You’re gonna get depressed and become anxious. But, you’ll be a somewhat functional depressed person. So, you’ll fall to pieces at nights and during your alone times in the day, but in the faces of others you’ll be the person who gets shit done no matter what.

It gets better. The pain gets better because of proper pain management skills you’ll learn. Dealing with depression and anxiety will also get better because you’ll seek therapy and maintain your therapy habits despite how uncomfortable it will be.

Things get better.

Lastly. There are some lessons you’re gonna have to learn on your own, baby girl. It’s an uncomfortable truth but that’s how it is.

No matter what lessons you learn, don’t let the teaching moments harden your heart. Never let those teachable moments make you bitter.

I love you.


Me (The Suburban Girl JA)


8 Comments Add yours

  1. Leanne says:

    Very wise words.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reading your blog and others, it seems everyone has to
    go through a similar gauntlet of fire.

    Your writing style drew me in — keep on going!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, I agree. It’s a coming of age, essentially.

      Thank you for engaging and I love that you enjoy my writing style! ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  3. petchary says:

    This is interesting – looking back as well as forward to remember what you were like, and what the challenges were. It’s all about understanding who you are…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Emma. To add, understanding who you are adds so much more perspective to your life. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh how l love this!! Absolutely beautiful advice letter!

    Liked by 1 person

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