The Best Parts Can Also Be Toxic If You’re Not Careful

Bloganuary Day 26.

Dear World,

There’s a time and place for everything under the sun – or whatever it is that they say.

Generally speaking, I’ve applied this to how I express my feelings and emotions. So, I know when it’s appropriate to be physically angry, jovial, sad, indifferent etc.

A few years back (definitely not now) I was the child and young lady who knew it wasn’t socially acceptable to break down in tears because I was having a bad day and it wasn’t appropriate to display anger because young ladies shouldn’t behave in that manner.

So, I guess you could say I was moldable. I flexed in the direction of expectations. I was adaptable and flexible for others. However, doing that ate away at my mental capacity. I felt like I was stifling myself because how I expressed myself was definitely not healthy. My concerns were wrapped up in the feelings of others and what they expect from me.

Now, I honestly couldn’t care less. If I want to cry, I’m gonna cry, if I get angry or irritated, you’re gonna know, if I’m indifferent, you’ll know that too. Best believe, when I’m happy, I’m for damn sure making everybody know! Sometimes I still cry to myself but that’s because you can’t let some people see you in vulnerable spaces. They’ll take advantage of you. I also don’t allow my decisions to be swayed by the “what will they say?” and the “will this impact them?”.

Of course I still take other persons’ feelings into consideration. I’m not a monster. Their feelings now come after I consider consequences and impact on my life first. Everyone and everything else comes second to that.

I say all that to say that the best part of me ate away at my soul because I was adapting to what everyone else wanted and not so much to what I needed and deserved. So, as much as it was great being that adaptable young lady, none of that benefitted me.

It took – is taking – a great deal of work to focus my adaptability to what works best for me. Me bending in the direction of everyone’s wind had proven to he toxic for me. It sucks, too. What good does my best quality serve if I can’t benefit in any way? Yes, that statement is a selfish one and that’s fine by me.

Being selfish is necessary and important more often than we were made to believe as children.

I’ll wrap with this: whatever the best parts of you are, always remember that you need to get from it as much as the world does or perhaps even more. Never let the best parts of who you are go to others who will mismanage and manipulate. You’re the top priority here. The rest is secondary.

Signed with love,

The Suburban Girl JA

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