Editor’s Note

Petulla’s background, in counselling and, most importantly, as a mother triggered the “oh, this entry makes total sense” for me. For as long as I’ve known her, she gets impassioned when speaking about children and youth in almost every area one can think of. However, the many cases of mental wellness in children shines through.

At an individual level, I can say that I rarely hear or see discussions about the mental health of children and how they deal with and work through grief or any form of trauma. For myself – and I’m sure many others reading this – my childhood was not without some form of trauma. Did I get the opportunity to work through the emotions that followed? I did not. Most of my encounters with facing these traumas have come years later in my adult years (through purposely seeking help), and I can bet any amount of money that it’s the same for you or someone you know. We should ponder, “What about those who can’t make the independent decision to seek mental wellness help? How do they fare?”

These later-in-life situations have occurred more often than we’d like to admit, and a major part of this occurrence has to do with our culture of saying mental wellness, counselling, or therapy is for the less melanated and those with deeper/more secured financial pockets. While it does cost to truly take care of our mental wellness and as a people, we need to make it more accessible, we also need to adjust the culture of stigmatisation when it comes to even speaking openly about it without fear of being laughed at, judged, or chastised.

Those are my two cents as the editor. Let’s read what Petulla has to say.

Though the messages written, edited, and shared by Suburban Guests may resonate with The Suburban Girl JA®, they are not our own and they do not necessarily reflect the thoughts and ideals we value.

Signed,

The Suburban Girl JA®

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Fear, Shame, and Positive Strides Surrounding Mental Wellness

Many parents feel ashamed or fear being judged when their child struggles with mental health challenges. This stigma often delays intervention precisely when help is most needed. As Corrigan and Watson (2002) noted, “stigma is one of the primary reasons families delay seeking help.”

Growing up, I had no real understanding of mental illness, and I suspect many adults around me didn’t either. Thankfully, things have begun to shift. Today, thanks to the work of the Ministry of Health and Wellness and other institutions that support mental health, mental health awareness is growing, not only in Jamaica but globally.

Years ago, what we now recognise as Depression, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), or social anxiety was often dismissed as “bad behaviours” or “shyness.” Children were told to conform, be quiet, or “get over it.” Behaviours that needed compassion were too often met with punishment. However, we still have a long way to go.

As a counselling psychologist who works with children and adolescents, I can confidently say that the challenges are real. Children grapple with a wide range of emotions, and often, their fear of being misunderstood leads them to withdraw, stay silent, or hide behind the familiar phrase, “I’m okay.”

As parents, we may assume our children are carefree because their basic needs are met, they have food, shelter, and schooling, they have nothing to worry about. But children also carry deep emotional burdens. Research on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) shows that early trauma can affect brain development, emotional regulation, and long-term mental health (Felitti et al., 1998). Many adult mental health challenges including anxiety disorders, low self-esteem, and even narcissistic traits—can be traced back to these early experiences.

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Editor’s Interjection: In a previously published Suburban Guest post contributed by Chantaeu Munroe, she said the folllowing – “Studies have shown a strong correlation between Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and chronic health conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, autoimmune disorders, and even cancer. Why? Well, trauma that isn’t transformed gets trapped in the nervous system, and when your body lives in a constant state of hypervigilance; always ready to fight, flee, or freeze, it begins to break down. That’s not a weakness, that’s biology.”

To support Chantaeu’s statement, I delved into ACEs and gave greater insight and context to the Jamaican experience. You may read this post at: Self-Care Isn’t Selfish: How Childhood Trauma Impacts Long-term Health

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Misunderstanding, Misinterpretation, and Denial

Yet today, emotional distress in children is often underestimated or misinterpreted (Reupert & Maybery, 2016). A child acting out may be struggling with anxiety. A teen who seems withdrawn might be battling depression.

My own journey with this began one morning after school drop-off. My eldest daughter suddenly began gasping for breath and clutching her chest. As she had asthma, I feared the worst and rushed her to the doctor. But after examining her, the doctor gently said,

“It’s not asthma, it’s a panic attack.”

He handed her a brown paper bag to breathe into and scribbled an unusual “prescription” which he gave me which stated that she should “Watch a movie. Eat popcorn and a hot dog.” It was oddly comforting and marked the beginning of our journey.

Unfortunately, the panic attacks didn’t stop. They became more frequent, especially during exams. She cried often, lost interest in going outside, avoided mirrors, and doubted her self-worth. Eventually, she began eating less. During a check-up, may daughter’s specialist doctor, at the time, gently suggested we seek psychological support for her.

I was in denial. It’s not easy to admit your child is struggling, but the moment of reckoning came one day at work when she called me in tears and said:

“Mommy, I need help. I don’t know why I cry for no reason.”

She was just 11 years old and that moment broke me; but it also moved me to act.

From Denial to the Action of Participatory Support

My husband and I sat with her and asked if she would be willing to speak with a counsellor. She agreed. It was one of the best decisions we’ve made. Finding the right support took time and came with financial challenges (Hutchison et al., 2021), but we persisted. Eventually, she was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder and Depression.

Supporting her was emotionally draining. At times, we felt overwhelmed, helpless, even guilty (Foster et al., 2012). Balancing her needs alongside those of her two siblings was difficult. The family dynamic changed, and we had to be intentional about creating space for everyone (Gladstone et al., 2011).

Though it was draining, we leaned in. We made our home a safe, non-judgmental space. We practiced active listening, validated her emotions, and made daily check-ins a habit (Siegel & Bryson, 2011). We learned about her diagnosis, informed her teachers, and encouraged her to name her emotions without fear. When other parents asked why she was so quiet or withdrawn, we began to share our story and were surprised at how many others opened up, too.

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Editor’s Interjection: When we talk about mental health in children, two conditions often misunderstood or overlooked are Social Anxiety Disorder and Depression.

Social Anxiety Disorder isn’t just shyness. It’s a persistent, intense fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social situations. Children with social anxiety may avoid speaking in class, dread group activities, or even experience physical symptoms like nausea or rapid heartbeat before social interactions.

Depression, on the other hand, goes beyond occasional sadness. It’s a deep, ongoing sense of hopelessness, fatigue, and disinterest in things that once brought joy. In children, it might show up as irritability, withdrawal, or changes in sleep and appetite. And here’s the hard truth: social anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. A child who fears social situations may isolate themselves, and that isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness and sadness which sometimes spirals into depression.

Understanding these conditions is crucial. Not just for diagnosis, but for compassion. Because when we name what’s happening, we can begin to support healing.

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Lessons in Supporting My Child through Her Mental Health Struggles

This experience taught us that mental health is not a private issue, it’s a community one. Many children suffer in silence because parents are afraid to speak up.

We also learned how vital parental self-care is. When supporting a child with mental health challenges, it’s easy to lose yourself in their pain. But you can’t pour from an empty cup. We learned to rest, recharge, and seek our own support, because a grounded parent is better able to be present for their child.

The road wasn’t smooth. But with time, professional support, and love, things improved. Today, my daughter is rediscovering herself. She no longer hides. She sings in public, volunteers at church, and is beginning to embrace her uniqueness. Watching her bloom into her authentic self has been one of the greatest joys of my life.

If there’s one message I could give to other parents, it’s this: Don’t wait. Pay attention to the quiet signals. Be curious, not critical. Ask open questions like, “What was the hardest part of your day?” or “How did that make you feel?” You don’t need to have all the answers. Your child doesn’t need perfection, they need presence.

As Siegel and Bryson (2011) reminds us, “When we show up for our children with curiosity and connection, we create the space for emotional healing and growth—not just for them, but for ourselves too.”

References

– Corrigan, P. W., & Watson, A. C. (2002). Understanding the impact of stigma on people with mental illness. World Psychiatry, 1(1), 16–20.
-Felitti, V. J., Anda, R. F., et al. (1998). Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 14(4), 245–258.
-Foster, K., et al. (2012). Family-focused practice in mental health care: An integrative review. Journal of Clinical Nursing, 21(9‐10), 1329–1337.
-Gladstone, B. M., Boydell, K. M., & McKeever, P. (2011). Recasting research into children’s experiences of parental mental illness: Beyond risk and resilience. Social Science & Medicine, 72(8), 1214–1221.
-Hutchison, D., et al. (2021). Barriers to accessing child and adolescent mental health services: Parent perspectives. Child and Adolescent Mental Health, 26(4), 306–313.
-Reupert, A., & Maybery, D. (2016). Practitioner perspectives on working with families with parental mental illness. Journal of Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing, 23(8), 471–479.
-Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Delacorte Press.

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Read Petulla’s first contribution to the Suburban Guest blog series: Balancing Traditional and Modern Parenting in the Technological Age where she reflects on her journey as a mother navigating the balance between traditional Jamaican parenting values and the realities of raising digital-native children. Drawing from her own upbringing and her work as a counselling therapist, she emphasises the importance of intentionality, blending discipline, respect, and emotional connection with flexibility and tech awareness. Through examples from her home life and professional insight, she encourages parents to lead with presence, empathy, and openness in both physical and virtual spaces.

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