Editor’s Note

Dear World,

So much seems to be off kilter lately globally. It’s likely that things may feel off in some of your personal lives too. Collectively, we often aren’t sure what to do to get ourselves back to centre and it leave us all in limbo. What do you do? What can you do?! Some of us might choose religion and go with prayer. Others might take it to our therapists, and some may look to our inner selves through meditation, exercise, or even the perceived and often actual unhealthy habits. In truth, there are times when none of those work and we have to disappear until we feel like we can face the world again.

Our next Suburban Guest post comes from Richelle who has a response for us. It may work, it may not. She gives a compelling argument about choosing self-compassion amidst the craziness around us. I quite enjoyed what she’s got to say. Maybe you will too. Let’s hear her out.

I’d also add that I liken self-compassion with flowers adorning skin. There’s something about delicate flowers placed on bodies that says you’re affirming yourself in delicate treatment because you deserve it. As such, you’ll see some photos throughout demonstrating that.

Though the messages written, edited, and shared by Suburban Guests may resonate with The Suburban Girl JA®, they are not our own and they do not necessarily reflect the thoughts and ideals we value.

Signed,

The Suburban Girl JA®

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Choosing Self-Compassion

“Having compassion for yourself means that you honour and accept your humanness.” — Kristin Neff

If you ask me, I tend to extend self-compassion to myself abut it’s sometimes to my own detriment.  On the other hand, I can equally be my own critic.

As much as I am brilliant and know my stuff; I was a very average student and very accepting of failure. However, I was also the “Richelle, you can do better” type. So, whenever I received report cards, I would harshly critique myself before my parents had the opportunity to. So, when they started, it sounded like a scratched record. I’d cry about it but then I will go try again – affirming myself with,

“You did your best in the moment.”

Think about it, how often do you extend kindness to yourself the way you do for others? If your best friend made a mistake, you’d probably offer them comfort and reassurance. But when you fall short, do you treat yourself with the same grace? Many of us are our own harshest critics, expecting perfection and beating ourselves up over every misstep. But what if, instead of being our own worst enemy, we became our own greatest ally? No shame here, we can all attest to it in more ways than one!

Understanding Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is about recognising that imperfection is part of being human. It’s the ability to show yourself kindness, patience, and understanding even when you feel like you don’t deserve it. While listening to a YouTube podcast, I was introduced to the ‘Self-compassion test’. In true Richelle fashion I did the test, and it was enlightening. Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in self-compassion, breaks it down into three key elements:

1. Self-kindness – Being gentle with yourself rather than harshly critical.

2. Common humanity – Recognising that everyone makes mistakes and experiences challenges.

3. Mindfulness – Being aware of your feelings without over-identifying with them.

Practicing self-compassion doesn’t mean avoiding accountability or ignoring areas for growth. It simply means treating yourself with the same care and encouragement you’d offer someone you love.

Life Lessons on Self-Compassion

If you are a part of my community in any way, you’d know I love taking nuggets from our experiences. The hope is that the more I share, the fresher perspective will spring forth. Here are a few reminders or perspectives for you to ponder:

Embrace Mistakes as Learning Opportunities

Many of us have been conditioned to view mistakes as failures rather than stepping stones. I once set an ambitious goal that I didn’t reach in the timeline I expected. Initially, I felt defeated, questioning my abilities. However, with time, I realised that my “failure” was actually a lesson in patience, adaptability, and resilience. The truth is, mistakes do not define you; they refine you. When you approach setbacks with self-compassion, you grow stronger instead of feeling diminished.

Speak to Yourself with Kindness

The way you speak to yourself matters. Imagine if your inner voice was a real person shadowing you— would you want to be around them? If your self-talk is filled with criticism, doubt, or negativity, it’s time to change the script. Instead of saying, “I’m so bad at this,” try, “I’m learning and improving every day.” Words shape our reality, and treating yourself with kindness can transform your confidence and outlook on life.

Rest is Not a Reward—It’s a Necessity

Many of us feel guilty for taking breaks, as if rest must be earned. You wouldn’t expect a phone to run on 1% battery and still perform at its best. The same goes for you. Burnout is NOT a badge of honour, and self-compassion means allowing yourself time to rest and recharge without guilt. Prioritising your well-being is an act of self-love that benefits not just you, but everyone around you.

Set Boundaries Without Guilt

People-pleasing often comes at the expense of self-compassion. Learning to say “no.” when necessary is one of the greatest acts of self-care. You are not responsible for making everyone happy at the cost of your own peace. Setting boundaries protects your mental and emotional health, and the right people will respect them.

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Editor’s interjection: Saying “No.” is imperative! Here’s a reminder that Saying “No.” is also a complete sentence.

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Celebrate Small Wins

I preach this one day in and out. Here is why: they say, “self-praise is no recommendation” and while we are often like to say “staying humble” is the way to go, you and God know the strength it took for you to keep going when all falls apart.

We often focus so much on big achievements that we overlook the small victories that make them possible. Did you get out of bed when you felt like staying under the covers? Did you take a deep breath instead of reacting impulsively? Acknowledging these moments helps build confidence and reinforces a positive mindset.

Becoming Your Own Ally

At the end of the day, you are the one who spends the most time with yourself. How you treat yourself sets the tone for how you experience life. Instead of looking for validation externally, learn to validate yourself. Cheer yourself on, forgive yourself, and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can. You are worthy of love, including the love you give yourself.

Final Thoughts

Self-compassion is not a destination; it’s a practice. 

There will be days when it’s easier than others, but every effort you make to be kinder to yourself matters. By embracing self-compassion, you cultivate inner strength, resilience, and a deeper sense of peace.

The next time you face a challenge, ask yourself: “If I were my best friend, how would I support myself right now?”, and then, do just that.

What are some ways you show compassion to yourself? Let’s start this conversation.

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Read Richell’s first entry for the Suburban Guest series! –> The Power of Gratitude: Finding Joy in the Small Things. This entry to The Suburban Guest Blog series explores the transformative power of gratitude, emphasising how finding joy in small, everyday moments can lead to greater happiness and contentment. Richelle shares her personal insights and encourages readers to embrace gratitude as a practice that enriches life, even during challenging times.

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Connect with Richelle on her blog: https://richellethenry.wordpress.com
LinkedIn: Richelle T Henry | Instagram @richelle_t_henry | Facebook @Richelle MsRoyal T. Henry