Guest Blog Post | My First Heartbreak As a New Mom

The Beginning

As the saying goes, “I remember it like it was yesterday”.

I remember the night of May the 22nd when my water broke. I remember being in labour until the next morning. I also remember the complications that took me to the surgery room to have an emergency Cesarean section (C-section).

Hours later, I laid my eyes on the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen. It was at that moment that it sunk in.

“My baby boy is part of me, and now, the most important person in my life.”

I enjoyed two whole days with my son before he was taken from me and swept away to the hospital.

The doctor said he had high levels of jaundice.

I remember that night and feeling imprisoned. I was still recovering from the C-Section so I couldn’t see him until I was released the following day.

My sick baby boy

I left one hospital to visit another to see my baby boy.

I saw him laying in a cubicle with rays of light penetrating his skin. There was also a blindfold placed over his eyes to protect them from the rays.

According to the nurse, they had to administer a few blood tests and those tests would continue until he was healthy enough to go home.

My heart broke.

How does a mother deal with something like this?

How can you bear the pain when your child is sick or hurting and there’s very little that you as a mom can do?

That being said, I had to learn how to deal with it.

I wasn’t allowed to stay with him overnight so I visited him daily and left when visiting hours were over.

I had to leave him. As a newborn mom, that hurt even more.

During the visits, I sang sweet melodies to him, I told him about the life he will have with his dad and I, and, I reassured him that he will be okay.

I told my baby boy that he was strong enough to overcome this and that he would be going home soon.

In all honesty, the last part was more for me than him.

After a couple of days of treatments and tests, my baby boy was released from the hospital.

He was finally in a state where I could take him home, hold him, and begin to share my life with him.

The relief I felt brought the biggest smile on my face and tears to my eyes.

I was finally able to take my baby boy home.

My first lessons as a new mom

Being a new born mom has taught me a few lessons and I’d like to share some with you.

Lesson one: In life, the unexpected happens.

Life is not perfect and things don’t always go as planned. I expected to give birth and immediately carry my baby boy home to raise and care for him. However, the storyline was slightly altered.

Accepting this was difficult, but that’s life. I had to accept it and find a way to get through it with my mind and sanity still intact.

Lesson two: Being a mother means being the strength your child needs.

My son was a newborn during his hospitalization. He did not know what was going on and I could see that he was scared. I had to find ways to comfort him and reassure him that he was safe. I had to be strong for him.

Lesson three: Mothers need to have emotional control.

I don’t know if it was the hormones, but being emotional came too easy for me. It tore me apart to leave him every night to go home to sit and wait for visiting hours the next day. I felt helpless, but I had to contain those emotions.

My son needed me present and stable. Falling apart would’ve been the worst thing to do during that time, so I mustered up the courage and strength.

Lesson four: You have to be patient, especially in a situation where you have no control.

I was an impatient person.

Waiting on results to know if my baby boy was well enough to go home was the worst.

It drove me crazy. I wanted all the waiting to stop. I longed to take him out of that cubicle, but I had to be patient.

I had never experienced a situation where my patience was tested so intensely. But, it was a lesson to learn.

I needed to learn patience to be a good mother and to be able to teach it to my son.

My concluding thoughts

It was a rough start to my new life as a new mother. I learned a great deal about myself and I am still learning. I’m on a journey that repeatedly tests me.

It fills my life with rewarding moments.

Being a mother has changed me and I have no regrets.

Contributed by: Mrs Toni-Ann Samuels aka A New Born Mom

For more on this writer, visit her site, A New Born Mom


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