“I’m such a germaphobe that I think sanitation gloves should be thicker than boxing gloves.”
― Jarod Kintz

Dear, World.

Situation type 1

The other day, I found myself on a public passenger bus as I made my way home. On that journey the lady who sat beside me had something tickle her nose and the end result was her sneezing as if an entire feather duster went all up in her nostrils. Every time she sneezed, I squirmed. That’s all I could do while I buried my nose in my cardigan and ‘small up miself” in my seat. All other seats on the bus were occupied. The journey was a 45 minute ride and it appeared to me that no one had any intention to get off the bus. I was in hell. This occurs in any public vehicle I take.

 

Situation type 2

Every time I find myself in church, I have to endure a “sharing of the peace” segment that the pastor insists on maintaining, as we should continuously lovingly greet our brothers and sisters in Christ. Listen, I’m really not about that life. The brothers and sisters in Christ, feel like it’s okay to want to hug me and squeeze me and shake my hands after they did God knows what with their hands. My wipes and hand sanitizer come out before the greeting and after the greeting. I’m not about to have people’s bodily germs transfer directly from their person to find a new home on my body. Neauxp.

 

Situation type 3

Every time I go to a social gathering or an interactive space, I get really conscious of my boundary and the bubble I wished I had to move around in. Folks really do not appreciate personal space! I’ve ranted about this before but it’s that serious. It happens whenever I have to join any kind of line, happens whenever I go out to eat, I already spoke about the public transportation thing, and soirees. Okay, I know soirees don’t really count because partying will inevitably cause strangers and their germs to touch me. But I combat that with doing regular sanitized wipe offs whenever I make my way to the ladies room.

 

Situation type 4

I absolutely despise using public bathrooms. I always try not to use them but if it’s an absolute must, I act like I’m walking on egg shells or threading on thin ice. I have no idea what kinds of germs are left waiting for me to pick up like I’m a public passenger vehicle. And, as usual, I have my sterilizing and sanitizing artillery.

 

Situation type 5

Walking the town and city streets give me heart palpitations. Why must there be so much filth?! God help you if it should rain and you’re in any of those spaces. So I walk briskly, no lingering in these spaces. The sooner I get out of them, the better off i’ll be. And, if my final destination is home or like home, best believe that I will take a shower and rid myself of all the germs I just walked through.

 

All I’m left to do is walk around with a mask, body suit and gloves.

 

Not entirely sure if these types of situations qualifies me to a germophobe.

Let’s say they do, I hope you’re not laughing at me and the torture you and your people put me through with this problem I have.

 

*sees you laughing*…

I hate you.

 

Signed with love,

Candice K.