I see colours differently than others.

Dear World,

If I see a colour and it looks like purple, it’s because that’s how I was socialized to know the colour purple. If I say it’s purple, then by God, it’s fricking purple. How dare your people look me in the eye and tell me that my pruple is not purple, but that it’s violet? What in the hell is a violet anyways? Isn’t it a flower? A fricking flower that can either be white, blue or, you’d never guess this, purple?! Really and truly. If it’s  purple its purple damn it. Bout you telling me the colour is violet.

Let me show you what violets look like.

Here’s another example, World.

Candice: “This blue jacket looks really great!”

World native: “No Candice, it’s not blue, it’s royal blue”.

World, refer to my confused, “what the hell are you talking about” facial expression. I don’t know what kind of education your natives are getting, but as far as I know, the colour “blue” did not wear a crown, grow up in a castle, have a kingdom or procreate with it’s second, third and 4 times removed cousins.

I’m just saying though.

Here’s another example.

Candice: “I don’t like the fact that this entire room is pink”

World native: “No silly, it’s hot pink, not pink, but hot pink”

World, I ask you to refer to the look on my face. This time however, the expression says “what the rasta jawj are you talking about?” look. As far as I know, if I were to touch the wall in the pink room, I most definitely would not get burned. So I am begging you World, please explain to me how it is that pink becomes hot. I am very curious.

The one that gets me every time is the shade, white.

Candice: “I just bought this pair of white pants. I can’t wait to wear it”

World native: “Actually, your pants are “baby powder-ish”. But it might just be “buff-ish”

Are you serious right now?! World, your natives are something else. Where do they find the time to classify a simple colour or shade into something so fancy and seemingly complicated? No wonder they have so much stress in their lives. They think too hard man!

Now don’t get me wrong dear World. I know and understand that different colours have various shades, tones, hues and saturation levels BUT at the end of day it’s a simple colour from the spectrum. What’s the deal with all these fancy colour names and colour names that in reality, when you think about it, makes no sense?

World, your people make colour identification so complicated when it’s so darn easy. If it’s purple, just say purple. If it’s blue, then say that it’s blue! Lawd Jesuz if it’s white call it white And if it’s pink, damn it! Just call it pink and done!

We all see differently so please tell your people that they should never correct my colour classification or else I’ll fire back and correct theirs. I call it “A” then your folks shouldn’t be telling me that it’s actually “B”. Don’t do it.

If your natives come to me again with all that talk about my colour identification being wrong I shall look at them and kiss mi teet then laugh in their faces. Just like this –

Listen as I kiss mi teet.

Signed with love,

Candice K.