This is in part an ode to my father – may he continue to Rest in Peace.

January 20, 1953 – June 22, 2008

Dear World,

My father would have been 60 today. But you already knew that didn’t you? When he got sick, I thought you were trying to teach me some lesson I wouldn’t find useful till later on in my life. When he died, I thought you hated me for something I might have done to you in a previous life. The instant the phone rang and the news of daddy’s death was delivered, I knew he was gone forever from the flesh. My heart broke instantly. It hasn’t been totally healed since.

I blamed you and your natives for his death. He left his home in the Suburbs to interact within you (he truly loved you). He embraced most of what you stand for (the non judging soul that he was) and you infiltrated his mind with a bunch of nonsense reasons why he decided it was okay to purposely expose himself to carcinogenic germs. The natives of your land that he spent a lot of his leisure time with encouraged the decision; and the rest was history.  I blamed you.

I developed a genuine dislike (maybe hate) for you and your people. I stayed away. Nothing you had to offer appealed to me when dad died. The sad part about this is that my feelings toward you spilled on the life I had at home in Suburbia. Everything pretty much stank *like I farted on my life* (insert Dormtainment’s “Ballin’ on a Budget” if you will). At that point, I realized that my life wasn’t all about me and wasn’t only in Suburbia.  A part of me is within you, World. I wanted something and someone to blame. You and your people were the perfect candidates. I am sorry for that.

Thank you. You showed me that it was okay to feel the way I felt about you and your natives at the time. You showed me that it was okay to cry (something I do very little of). You reminded me that I wasn’t in this on my own. Thank you, World. I appreciate that. I know I bashed your people in my first love letter to you but I see that your people have good qualities. They provided numerous outlets for me to vent and to heal. I am forever grateful. Thank you. Even though I stayed away, you were ready and willing to be empathetic towards me. I love you for that.

I think of him everyday and what would have been if he was still alive. Honestly though, life doesn’t work that way does it? You find subtle ways to show me that on a daily basis. I miss him, World. I however find comfort in knowing that he lives in me. His blood runs through my veins.

Dad isn’t here anymore and that’s alright. I can live with that now because you helped to teach me that there is life in death. Life has to continue despite the fact that death occurred. I see and understand that now. I love you and I love your people. Hugs and kisses.

Signed with love,

Candice K.