Dear World,

Back in 2022, I was given a prompt to write about a talent I wish I had. I said something along the lines of “I wish I could sing“. Today, I feel the same.

I don’t think I’m tone deaf, and I have harmonised with others where we sounded absolutely amazing singing. However, to ask me to sing – solo – any song, all that comes out are the ear jerking sounds of nails against a chalk board. It’s painful and embarrassing.

I find skilled and abled singers to have the most beautiful voices. I’m also quite enamoured with the really skilled singers who read music with ease and can arrange the heck out of any song. Those people tend to do well with the stage lights beaming on them and backstage or in the booth ensuring the performances are executed incident free.

By most measures, I lack that skill and it’s truly heartbreaking because music does so much for me and my mental health. If I can feel the effects by just listening, why can’t I belt notes and feel the goodness of music in that way as well? I guess ‘you can’t have it your way in all ways’ applies to me. It’s beyond unfair if you ask me.

In a former life, I danced. I wasn’t a choreographer, but I would dance after training and being instructed. Doing just that improved my mental space. I gradually went from being perpetually sad to having something to look forward to. Dancing wasn’t easy, especially, to learn and master movement – but it helped to condition my mind and my body. That was a real-life representation that exercise does help to make you feel better. Adding music through sound and song, and fluidity in dancing, to that was like the cherry on top of an ice-cream sundae, if that’s your thing.

I have aspirations to be a songwriter in addition to a million other things that require writing. There are many musical sounds that accompany lyrics, but not many suit my love for layered harmonies, and the lyrics don’t often connect. There also aren’t many songs that depict my exact thoughts and desires. So, what better way to capture my own thoughts and feelings in my own songwriting. Being able to successfully achieve that, I imagine, would evoke the emotional resonance that classical music delivers to its listeners, with its dramatic crescendos, intricate runs, delicate dips, and the powerful storytelling woven through its musical language.

You know how patrons and fans will tell their favourite musicians how much a song has inspired them or has had some positive impact on their lives? I hope to be so lucky that I can positively impact the lives of strangers through the songs I will write. Though, I don’t yet envision myself as the one performing my songs, the simplicity of observing those interactions would be enough for me.

Lastly, I’d like to say that I have begun teaching myself how to read music. It’s a slow process but I know how to recognise the sound and appearance of a few notes. That’s much better than I was in 2022. I count that as a win.

So, yes. I still wish I could sing, but I also want to do more with music and one day, I will.

Signed,

The Suburban Girl JA®