Editor’s Note

Dear World,

Many of us despise conflict. It often incites anxiety, tension, and fuels miscommunication leaving us hesitant to face it head-on. We often see it as confrontation – which it is, but that’s not all it is.

This entry focuses on conflict. However, that’s such a loaded word. Often used as a noun and sometimes used as a verb, conflict is generally defined as “a state of opposition or disagreement between individuals, groups, or ideas. It can manifest as a clash of interests, values, or needs, and may occur internally (within oneself) or externally (with others). While often seen as negative, conflict can also serve as a catalyst for growth, understanding, and resolution when approached constructively.”

With the prompt of ‘conflict’, Jermaine Peart, our Suburban Guest and friend of the space, offers profound insights, exploring layers and lessons. We encourage you to not only read this piece but also apply its wisdom to your life’s battles. Actually, we encourage it for all guest blog posts!

Though the messages written, edited, and shared by Suburban Guests may resonate with The Suburban Girl JA®, they are not our own and they do not necessarily reflect the thoughts and ideals we value.

Signed,

The Suburban Girl JA®

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Conflict is a part of the journey to becoming — becoming who you are, who you’re meant to be, and how you’re meant to show up in the world.

Jermaine Peart

Many of us have heard about conflict styles and how, surprisingly, some conflict is necessary.

For most of my life, I believed that conflict was bad; something to avoid at all costs. With time, growth, and experience, I’ve come to realise that conflict isn’t just unavoidable, it’s essential.

Let me explain.

The Different Fights

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Editor’s interjection: To be clear, our Suburban Guest is not referring to fighting styles like kung fu, karate, jujitsu. As she previously mentioned, this entry to the series is about conflict and conflict styles – not so much physical fights (in sport) and fights that may or may not include physical assault.

Categorising conflict forms has been explored by various subject matter experts in fields like psychology, sociology, and conflict resolution. Scholars such as Sheriff Folarin and Jacinta Kelly, among others, have contributed to understanding the types and causes of conflict, emphasising its inevitability in human interactions. With a background in Psychology, Jermaine pulls on the more commonly known conflict forms; Intrapersonal, Interpersonal, Intragroup, and Intergroup to craft this piece. She conceptualised ‘The Different Fights’ which she explains.

To add societal context and relatability, one notable Jamaican figure who has done crucial work in this area is Professor Frederick W. Hickling, a psychiatrist and researcher who has explored the psychological dimensions of conflict, personality disorders, and mental health in the country. His work includes the development of the Jamaica Personality Disorder Inventory (JPDI), which examines issues like conflict, power dynamics, and impulse control within the Jamaican population. Another is Dr. Gwen Walcott, who has collaborated with Professor Hickling on studies related to conflict and authority management, aggression, and dependency behaviours in our society.

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I’ve had fights in various forms – some loud and explosive while others have been subtle and internal. All have taught me something valuable. Below, I highlight three main types

Relational Fights (Family & Friends)

These taught me about needs (mine and others’), expectations, and how poor communication can wreck what looked like solid ground. Sometimes, I had to admit that maybe the relationship was one-sided. Maybe I was there for the comfort, not the connection. And sometimes, I had to learn the hardest lesson: knowing when to stop fighting, when the damage is too great, or the other party simply doesn’t want resolution.

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Editor’s interjection: Per relational fights, our curator recently published a poem that, in some ways, highlights relational fights. Give it a read –> Echoes

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Business Battles

In business, it’s different, yet somehow the same. You have to try with clients, partners, and yourself. Learning the conflict styles of the people you work with can either build bridges or burn them. Here’s the kicker: how you were raised and what you were taught about confrontation, directly influences how you navigate the professional world.

Personal Growth Fights

Then, there’s the most constant and complex fight – the one within. They are the internal battles we wrestle with daily. It consists of letting go of old habits, making room for new mindsets, and knowing the difference between healthy self-discipline and self-sabotage.

Often, we are our own worst critics and when we don’t address internal conflict, we carry it into our relationships and project onto others. That’s not fair to anyone, especially ourselves.

Ask Yourself: What Conflict Am I Fighting Today?

Each fight, whether external or internal, has something to teach. These battles shape us, polish us, and prepare us [for the pathways along our journey].

Fighting through the conflict is a way to groom you for purpose. Think of every great story, every epic journey. There’s always a moment of struggle – moment when the hero is tested. Just like crash test dummies are used to prepare cars for the road, your fights are preparing you for your next level.

Here’s the wisdom (through life lessons):

Know when to take a break

Not everything requires a battle. Sometimes, what you need is a conversation, or, maybe, silence, stillness, and reflection. Taking a pause doesn’t mean you’ve lost. It means you’re wise enough to conserve your energy for the fights that truly matter.

Identify the deeper “Why?” behind the conflict

At the root of many conflicts is a desire to be seen; to be heard; to be understood. When we don’t know how to express that need, it may come out sideways through anger, distance, or aggression. That tends to leave us and others confused or on edge.

So, pause, process, and choose your battles wisely.

Fight the Good Fight

Many times, we only understand the purpose of a fight in hindsight – it is 20/20, after all. When you trust the process, when you believe that this [conflict] is shaping you [for the better], the fight becomes less daunting. You gain tools such as wisdom, resilience, and discernment. Sometimes, you even gain the courage to simply wait for the right moment to finish the battle.

So keep fighting—but fight wisely. Fight intentionally. And always fight for the version of you that you’re becoming.

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Read Jermaine’s first entry for the Suburban Guest series! –> Risky Business: Choosing Growth Over Comfort | Suburban Guest – Jermaine. This entry to the series describes Jermaine’s decision to embrace growth over comfort by pitching her business, The Creative Willow, despite challenges and self-doubt. It highlights her journey of preparation, vulnerability, and resilience, offering valuable lessons on navigating discomfort and failure. Through her reflections, readers are inspired to take risks, learn from setbacks, and pursue progress over perfection.

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Connect with Jermaine on Instagram @ms_jermaine and on Threads @ms_jermaine