Dear World,

How often do I say “no” to things that would interfere with my goals?

My answer to this question is slightly complex only because I view this question in two ways: with the mindset of my current self and also through the eyes of a younger version of who I am today.

The younger me was more of a people pleaser and she would feel terribly telling people “no”, knowing full well that saying “yes” denied me of further advancement toward a particular goal. It’s safe to say that I more concerned with disappointing the person(s) asking than I was in delaying my progress. At that point in my life, my actions and inaction suggested that I was okay with delaying my progress towards goals in pursuit of other people’s happiness and comfort.

These days, using the word, “no” has become second nature to me. It is true, that “no.” is a complete sentence. If I’m asked to do something to the benefit of others while denying me the ability to get through my goals, that’s being mean to myself. Some might call it selfish, and my response to that is, “Okay, and?”. Granted, the goal is not to be a complete douchebag, but setting your boundaries is important and people need to respect those boundaries. Heck, it might even inspire them to focus on their own goals as well.

We can’t go about life living solely to ensure that we always help others while neglecting ourselves. I’m not saying that “no” should be the automatic response 100% of the time. I’m saying that saying “yes” to yourself is equally as important. So, striking that balance – whatever balance looks like – is the better way.

Ditch the people pleasing ways. It won’t be easy, but you have to make a concerted effort. Say “no” and then say “yes” to you. Your future self will thank you for that. I’ve found that saying “yes” to myself more has afforded me opportunities to enrich my writing. I’ve had the chance to travel and speak on panels about my writing, and I’ve had the opportunity to work alongside a long-time friend while we both do what we enjoy – toward the same shared goal while honing our skills. In-between all that, many more opportunities have come, and I am grateful. So, for example, saying yes pushed me to apply for a Fellowship, I was successful, and I saw it through. With that experience, I wrote a number of stories and submitted one for an award consideration. I was successful in that as well! Based on those wins, I’m excited for what saying “yes” looks like this year and beyond.

Lastly, I’m also of the opinion that you can exist in a world where you don’t always say no, but you always ensure that you don’t sacrifice your goals in the name of maintaining a relationship with someone. It’s a unique mindset and it takes some getting used to – because we all need people and we should be helpful sometimes, but we also need to achieve our personal goals. Sometimes, that looks like focusing on you. Hopefully your loved ones can understand that “no.” is a complete sentence.

Signed,

The Suburban Girl JA®

Daily writing prompt

How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?

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