Dear World,

This might sound crazy or messy. However, if you get it, you’ll get it.

Also, I am fine. Promise.

Prelude to an Outgrown Pastime

Today’s prompt is a little tricky for me. How can I respond without airing out too much of my savoury and unsavoury behaviours and habits? Hmmm?

Let’s talk about vices. We all have vices and as much as I believe that we should never be ashamed of them, we should still be guarded with the people we allow access to that type of information.

Why vices? Well, to be honest, I find it easier to talk about good habits than I do vices. This time, I prefer the more difficult. I set out to work with challenges focused on growth this year. As such, I’ll go the route of some resistance to push myself into more uncomfortable territory in order to expand my comfortability levels.

Will I regret this? Doubt it.

That said, I won’t share the most unsavoury thing or vice about me. Definitely not here. I’m not that comfortable with challenging my boundaries. Besides, some things must be left unsaid.

An Outgrown Pastime

So, without venturing into my Doechii-esque Denial Is A River vices and experiences. I’ll stick with the one about wine. I loved…still love wine. You know, the end product of Jesus’ first miracle according to the Gospel of John. The one that says water was turned into wine at the Wedding in Cana. That wine.

It sounds harmless, yes. That’s because in the grander scheme of things, it probably is! However, the effect that it’s had on my bodily functions was not harmless.

Though I still enjoy the occasional glass across the wine classifications, I no longer divulge in the manner that I used to. The primary reason stands in my age. Goodness! The body doesn’t metabolise wine or alcohol in any form the way it used to. That one factor alone contributes to me forcibly outgrowing it.

I used to… still do…. love a good pairing of wine with the appropriate meals. I also used to…still do…down a couple glasses just because. Then, I also…still do… partake in sipping some because “it’s 5 o’clock somewhere”. Finally, European people -some of them, at least – normalises a glass or two with their lunch. It’s no big deal.

Guess what though, it is a big deal! I am not European. I live in the tropics, and I’m Black. Does that latter part matter? Maybe. I think it does, especially when geographic location and bodily make-up are considered with too much wine consumption.

All that said, I no longer like the hungover feeling or the aftertastes of particular wines. Whether or not they are properly paired or appropriately consumed, there’s a feeling that I get which sets my general bodily balance off kilter. Additionally, the smell of some types and brands – when I decant – no longer sit well with me. My head hurts and it gets light. The depressant in the alcohol works overtime and make me so sleepy to the point where I can barely function (these days) after one glass.

Ironically enough, I was drawn to a depressant while in suspected but undiagnosed depressed states. Go figure!

All that to say, I no longer “‘gree wid wine” and its effects on my affect. That has been my stance for quite a few years now.

Lastly but certainly not least, the Denial Is a River behaviour when it comes to wine would often lead to unsavoury secondary situations with a six times out of ten chance of reoccurrence. In some instances, the younger version of me would exhibit, “my grass is really green” energy, but in reality, it was an “honestly, I can’t even ****** cap no more” time. I don’t want that for myself in my current age and stage of life.

All that to say, coping mechanisms are a helluva thing.

---

Also, you should get into Denial is A River and dissect it using literary devices and common sense. I find it to be insightful, quirky, with great lyrical flow and creativity while highlighting some really dark issues that most of us with vices face but are too scared to admit in any forum.

Though I relate to some of what the song says, not everything applies to me.

Epilogue After an Outgrown Pastime

If you properly read between the lines, you may have read this prompt response while clutching pearls. Why? Well, I more than likely exuded totally responsible aura but now reveal that it wasn’t always responsible over here.

However, if you’re without sin, cast the first stone. I dare you.

Partaking in uncharacteristic behaviours amidst the perceived classiness of a glass or two, or three, or the entire bottle of wine is what adds to fun in a fundamentally good life alongside the highs and lows of the proverbial rollercoaster ride. It leaves plenty room for intriguing stories to be told. They’re reserved for my future therapy sessions, my future husband, and children (if I’m ever blessed to have them).

Thanks for indulging.

Signed,

The Suburban Girl JA®