A Spectacular Suburban September: Day 2
For every friend and relationship, there is a season.
*I’ll interchange friendship and relationship throughout. They’re not different in the context of this blog post.
You Probably Won’t Always be Friends
From the friends you’ve had since you were a child to the friendships built in adulthood – the hard truth is that you may not always be friends. Some friendships fizzle others have an abrupt end, while some last a lifetime. Wherever the pendulum swings, you have to be okay with it and move on with your life. After all, the only constant in life is change.
Friendships: The Relationship Types and How You Proceed
Friendship breakups can be among the most difficult to deal with. This is especially true for those longtime relationships that you genuinely believed would last the tests of time.
I’ve had at least one of those and it hurt for a little while. In truth, I’m not going to sit around and mope because I broke up with a friend. Instead, I’m going to wish them well and continue living.
Truth be told, some relationships are only masked as friendships. When you investigate, you’ll find that the qualities of a true friendship were never part of that situation. If nothing else, it was more a parasitic relationship than it was a symbiotic or a mutualistic one. So, some “frienships” only serve one person to the detriment of the other while some “friendships” serve one person while the other neither benefits nor are they hurt.
Be honest with yourself. What type of friendship do you want? I’d like to think that you prefer the type where both parties benefit and none suffer or are hurt. Now, this is where you practice great discernment to identify either what’s going on in the current friendships or the past ones. For the current relationships, pinpoint the ongoing situation and determine what it is that you and the other party wants in compassion to what’s happening.
A friend cut off me off because I wasn’t a church-going Christian on the same level as she was. So, I would, perhaps, lead her astray or contaminate the purity of her Christian bubble.
I’ve ended a friendship because of ill treatment received and the imbalance of support in moments of great need.
Friendships end for a myriad of reasons. It’s a part of life and believe me, the world won’t stop because a friendship ends. Just cleanse your spirit and heart. Rid yourself of any negativity that was attached to the friendship while it flourished or while it ended. Wish them well and move on.
If you didn’t know, you can end a friendship or be cut off by a friend and still be able to wish them well. Carrying ill feelings takes up way too much time and energy. You don’t have to hate anyone and you don’t have to be friends with them either. Focus on you and all who matter.
Some Friendships Last the Test of Time
Some friendships are the real deal- forever till the end of time type of relationships. They are the unbreakable types that will last for all seasons for all the lifetimes. They’re the ones that will highlight resolved conflict, support, accountability, love, and encouragement among other traits. They’re not always easy to maneuver but they’re always worth it.
Lessons Learned from a Friendship Breakup
- Being your own friend should be at the top of your priority list. If you can’t be friends with yourself to meet the needs and wants you have – if you can’t love on yourself the way you want others to, then maybe you shouldn’t focus too much on building new friendships.
- It’s okay to outgrow people, situations, and relationships.
- It is also okay for people to outgrow you and situations that involve you.
- Just as how a breakup with a lover isn’t the end of the world, a friendship breakup doesn’t mean that you’ll lose yourself. If anything, you will unlock doors to a new you. Consider it an opportunity to improve upon your current self. Review the times you had with your ex-friend and take joy in the good times. Look into the bad times and how you reacted. If you did not like your reaction or response, include self development in your way forward to self improvement.
- A friendship breakup will teach you about the kind of friend you are and the kind of friend you aspire to be. Essentially, engage in some introspection and evaluate what happened that you know deep down needs to change within you.
- A friendship breakup, regardless of who initiated it, should teach you what you expect from a friendship, how to approach situations, conflict and communicating what you need or want from the relationship. This goes both ways as it’s not only about you. The other person(s) in the friendship will also have their needs, wants and expectations. The aim is to meet each other along the way to ensure that you’re serving the relationship well.
- You can always make new friends. 🤷🏾♀️. You can also work on the friendships that still exist.
I’m sure there are lessons or points not made in this piece. What would you add to the lessons from a friendship breakup?
The Suburban Girl JA